The Animal Metaphor Song

By Frances Leader

I am the fatted calf,

I’m a sacrificial lamb,

I’m as sly as a fox

And I butt like a ram.

I drink like a fish,

I sweat like a pig,

I squawk like a crow

And as a dog, I dig.

The world is my oyster,

I preen like a cat,

I’ve the memory of an elephant,

And the wiles of a rat.

My eggs are never counted,

Until my chicks are hatched,

I fly like an eagle,

My swansong is unmatched.

I am fierce like a tiger,

Strong as a bear,

There’s no flies on me,

But there’s nits in my hair.

I’m as tall as a giraffe,

As slow as a sloth,

As prickly as a hedgehog

But delicate like a moth.

I can build like an ant,

And swarm like a bee,

I will roar like a lion,

And build a nest in a tree.

I have the ears of a rabbit,

The speed of a cheetah,

In flight I’m a falcon,

Nothing can beat her.

I swim like a fish,

I am as blind as a bat,

I walk like a duck,

And like a pig, I’m fat.

I sing like a bird,

I laugh like a hyena,

I’m as weak as a kitten,

But no species is meaner.

If you see me as a tiger,

Don’t step on my tail,

I’m as ugly as a cockroach,

And as big as a whale.

I will sting like a jellyfish,

Slither like a snake,

Hoard like a squirrel

Be as flat as a skate.

But don’t you worry,

With these animal charms,

My survival is secure,

In the wild and on farms.

I have a secret weapon,

I have all the luck

I am very lovable,

And I fuck like a duck.

🤣😂You weren’t expecting that punchline, were you?

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ONWARDS!
xx